Unmasking Performance
Caroline Head // Communications Intern
“Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins.
Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on.”
Mark 12:41-44
I’ve been thinking a lot about this story lately and how I’ve seen the heart of Jesus in this interaction demonstrated to me through the leadership at Watkinsville.
Jesus considers the faith of the woman rather than the value of the gift she gives.
Interning at Watkinsville has helped change the way I view my identity and church leadership. If I am being honest with myself and with you, I came into my first year as an intern thinking, “I wonder how much I will get to contribute to the church and how I can be the best at what I do.”
Yikes...
Not a very humble approach to serving, right?
Instead of wanting to give wholeheartedly in faith and with humility, I wanted to give wholeheartedly out of my own works and call it invaluable service. I wanted to be the rich person putting in large sums of money, “sacrificing” to gain affirmation in myself and approval from others.
The Lord has graciously been changing my performance-driven identity a lot since then, and my intern experience at Watkinsville has played a big part in that.
One of the most impactful influences has come from watching the servant- leadership of my supervising pastor, Joel. He works towards excellence without letting perfection or failure keep him stagnant. This was an area where I fell short. I sought after excellence for self-glorification and when I fell short I felt stuck in the shame of missing the mark.
Working on the Watty College Podcast alongside Joel revealed these shortcomings and became a humbling teacher for me.
If you listen to any of the podcasts produced in the fall of 2018 you will rarely hear my voice. My confidence and ability to speak even to an invisible audience was floundering on the depths of the ocean floor. I was so afraid of failing that it seemed to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My performance driven mindset melted under the self-applied pressure of perfection.
One time, it took me twelve takes to record a single coherent thought for the podcast. Yep, you read that right. Twelve. For ONE thought.
You can laugh. Please laugh. I still do!
That being said, having me speak on the podcast was not a very efficient or effective use of our time or my talents back then. Podcast production took up 50% or more of the time I spent at Watkinsville my first year. You can imagine my frustration since I came into the program thinking the quantity and caliber of my contributions reflected my value to the church.
While I was learning more than I ever imagined from the conversations we had while creating podcast content, I felt of lesser value to myself and the church because I could not contribute the haughty amount of works I told myself merited successful servanthood.
I guess I expected the pastors to assign the least enjoyable parts of their work to their interns and for us to accomplish it and then leave. I didn’t expect the reality of being asked what I would prefer to do and receiving prayer and encouragement from my supervising pastor or intern staff members throughout the week. Didn’t they have better things to do?
I did not yet understand that Watkinsville’s mission to make wholehearted followers of Christ applied to every area within the church too and the staff were truly committed to carrying out that mission. They desire to see college students use what they are good at for the glory of God, somewhere strategic for the mission of God, like in the local church.
On my first fall intern retreat I remember thinking in amazement, “Wow… the church paid for us to be here this weekend, staff members gave up their time to be here, and we even received handwritten notes and gifts. And I don’t even know them.”
During the weekend we were led in times of worship, teaching and community. The leaders of the church were serving me? Wasn’t I supposed to be the one serving them?
I was humbled to say the least.
After the weekend ended, I recapped everything to my roommates telling them, “I feel so… honored… and I haven’t even done anything yet.”
Watkinsville doesn’t invite interns behind the scenes just because they want to accomplish more. They invite interns into the work they are doing, being attentive to their hearts before being expectant of their hands.
Much like Jesus considered the faith of the widowed woman before the value of her gift, Watkinsville considers the faith of the young person pursuing Jesus before the value of their work.
The staff leads the way Jesus lived: considering others better than themselves and making themselves servants first to God, then to the body of Christ, young or old.
If you’re worried about what you bring to the table, apply for the internship.
If you’re proud of what you bring to the table, apply for the internship.
With time as your currency, investing your two cents with Watkinsville can yield a heart that is humbled, challenged and cared for by the local church along with talents that are refined, revealed and rendered through your partnership in the work.
That’s my two cents… :)
Caroline
“Watkinsville doesn’t invite interns behind the scenes just because they want to accomplish more. They invite interns into the work they are doing, being attentive to their hearts before being expectant of their hands.”
If you’d like to learn more about the internship or start an application, click here!
I am a 4th year journalism student at the University of Georgia and a 2nd year communications intern with Watkinsville. Because of my love for people, I am also pursuing a minor in human services counseling. My passion for people meets my artistic inclinations through my work as a wedding and portrait photographer, and a writer. Each person has something unique and valuable to share with the world and I thrive off of learning and showcasing that through creative communication. I’m always up for spontaneous adventures, a good cup of coffee or tea, and cultivating new friendships.
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Jordan Matthews // UGA Student & Women’s Ministry Intern