God Revives and Redirects Dreams
Rebekah Emerson // UGA Student & Worship Intern
I am a dreamer. Since I was a little girl I have loved dreaming. Daydreaming, dreaming in my sleep, or even dreaming big whimsical, romantic ideas of hopes for the future have always been my favorite pastimes. We are all taught to dream. In elementary school, we are met with the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, and this question seems to stick with us for the rest of our lives. Our answers change from “Popstar” and “Astronaut” to “Biochemical Engineer” and “Financial Planner”, but the idea of the dream stays the same. You have a desire and a passion to be something that will hopefully use your gifts and talents. For me, my answer changed almost daily, and to be honest, it still does. Growing up, I wanted to be a pop star. I wanted to sing and entertain the world. In high school, this dream took a little bit of shaping and turned into wanting to be on Broadway. With this dream now set as my goal, I got to training. Nine years of training to be front and center on a stage. Nine years of trying to be the best in the room. Nine years of singing for the approval of others. Nine years of grooming myself as this dream turned into an idol. That idol quickly ate away at any passion I had for singing, so I eventually gave up. Nine years seemingly gone down the drain, but I simply could not carry on trying to outperform those around me while simultaneously seeking fulfillment from those same people.
I went to college to study Communications. I threw in the towel and turned off the light on ever using my voice again. Freshman year, I hid my ability to sing from those around me. No one needed to know because if I started singing again it would become a competition, and I had no more fight in me. Freshman year went by, and ended in a global pandemic. I was now given time to sit with my thoughts. No distractions, just me, God, and my pink colored walls. I spent nights crying out to God, asking Him why I felt a hole in me. Why did I have an itch that I couldn’t seem to scratch? Something I learned over this period of time is that when God has gifted you with something and you stop using it for His kingdom, you feel a restless and relentless pull.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
A mentor of mine sent this to me during quarantine, and I meditated on it day and night. God was doing something new in me and in my life. He was creating paths that had yet to be created. He was and still is “doing a new thing”.
Sophomore year came and I was ready to start serving the Lord in my community again, and so I led a small group. I was cool with God doing a new thing, so long as it wasn’t singing, and leading a small group was something I had never done before. I made it to November when the itch came back. I was so frustrated with God, and I was ready to give up on Him. I didn’t understand what he was doing. I was serving Him, and I was more in the word and prayer than I had ever been. What more did He want from me?
Everything. He wanted every single thing.
I wanted to only give Him what didn’t hurt me. I didn’t want Him to see the ugly in me, and I didn’t want Him to use something that had corrupted me. Singing caused me to stray away from Him, so why would He want it? How could He possibly use it? God wanted to heal me; so that way He could use me. He needed to heal me from my need to outperform and my need to be perfect. God doesn’t ask for perfect, He’s asking for you. God is not asking for a performance, He is asking for true, unfiltered, selfless worship. I had to fall into His arms and relinquish control. I then began the search for verses on how to go about this healing, and here is what I found:
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.” ~ 2 Chronicles 7:14-15
“‘He himself bore our sins’ in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness; ‘by his wounds you have been healed.’” ~ 1 Peter 2:24
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”~ Matthew 11:28-30
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13
In searching for healing from God, healing is what I found. In Matthew 7:7-11 Jesus tells us to ask, seek, and knock. I asked God to show me what was wrong. He answered. I searched for His healing, and I found it. The knock. Where was I to knock? Did I have the strength to finally knock? The answer that I found in my search was yes. I had realigned myself with God’s Word. I had been spending intimate time with Him leaning into what He was saying, and He led me to this verse, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9. I just had to trust that He would guide my steps. So, I knocked, and the door was opened, a door that I thought would never open again. I began leading worship again. I have been leading worship now for a year at Watkinsville.
I once had a dream to sing on stage and to entertain. As my walk with God deepened and matured I thought that dream had to die. I was sure that those passions and desires could never be a part of my walk with God, but God is the God of revival. I thought it was impossible to ever enjoy singing again, but because God has redirected my passions, I now only sing for an audience of One. I sing for God, not for others. I thought dreams were dead and buried, but as I walk in love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, and self-control, the Lord has revived dreams and repurposed them for His glory.
I leave you with this Psalm:
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.” Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation! For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies. Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence. I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” -Psalm 27
Rebekah is a third year communications major with a religion minor at UGA. She is a worship intern, involved in the Fagan/Martin tribe, and is going to Boston with Watty this summer! She leads worship during the services on Sundays and for various kids, youth, and college events. She is passionate about living your life in worship to the Lord and leads so authentically.
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